28-Feb-2014

Sweetest Goodbye

I have always loved that February is shorter than the rest of the months. Not that I have a reason not to like the month itself, I just enjoy the fact that it's different. That said, I'm eager to see it end because for me personally this is the last month of Winter. 

I'm going to work later tonight so I think I'll rest a little bit now. Not that I'm so tired of the only one seminar I have today but I prefer to be fresh when I go to work. I'm not the one supposed to fall asleep while I'm there - the children are.
Also, my friends are supposed to come over for dinner tomorrow evening. I promised to prepare a fruity cake, Ratatouille and my famous tomato sauce so I'll be busy in the kitchen the whole of tomorrow. I'm not sure how many of them will come, somewhere between 2 and 12 people are expected so ... Should be fun, right?

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

27-Feb-2014

Sleeping Action

I've been feeling really tired lately, even sleeping for 9 hours every night. Today for example I woke up at 11:00am after going to bed at 11:30pm the night before. One would think that this should be more than enough for a healthy, active 20-year-old but no. Around 3 :00pm today I felt so tired that I went straight to bed for a nap. I did not even consider watching a movie to help me fell asleep. I dozed off like a newborn baby. I woke up two and a half hours later thanks to my alarms - the only way to wake up before tomorrow morning.

I've been like that for a while now and I can't seem to get enough sleep no matter how much I sleep. If it wasn't for going to school and working I would've turn my lifestyle to cat-like - eat, sleep, sleep, eat. So far, I've been blaming it on the Spring tiredness that gets me every year but if it doesn't stop soon I'll have to go back to drinking 4 coffees a day. Mr. Boyfriend mocks me that I'm growing and once I'm old I will be wishing to sleep for more than 6 hours in a row.

To be honest, from my current point of view - this will be blessing.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

26-Feb-2014

A La Parisienne - Part 2

A La Parisienne - Part 2 by stasyhell666 featuring Bodum

This is the second time this week that I wake up in the morning with clear idea in my head about what I want to wear. This happens really, really, really rarely nowadays and I just let it lead me.

Few years ago, while I was still in high-school I'll have outfits planned for at least few days ahead and will be knowing every little detail about what when I'm wearing, how my hair is suppose to look and so on. It made my life very easy in a way because most mornings dressing up will be an automatized procedure. On the other hand, it was hard to come up with new ideas everyday and always to try and look put together. Now I value being able to move comfortably, everything needs to be cycling-appropriate and I really try to find the most functional clothes. My high-school wardrop wouldn't meet this criteria even in hundred years. I'm not  even sure if I could pull-off those high high-heels I used to wear everyday. It's safe to say that people change.

This particular outfit combines together all of the things that make me feel feminine and chic. It's incredibly comfortable, those flats are life-saves. And the skirt - ah, the skirt. It's a fine knit skirt which makes it perfect for the early spring or for the autumn. It combines a bit more colours at the same time than what I would usually anticipate but I just feel like all those clothes complement each other perfectly. 

By the way - the travel mugs are life-savers for those early in the morning seminars! I can't imagine surviving through the whole class without my favourite mug of tea!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

25-Feb-2014

The Book That The President Wrote Himself

Plot:

This is the autobiographical story of Barack Obama's childhood and early adulthood. He talks about the struggles he had finding who he is and what he wants from life. This is the story of a boy who have never seen his father and creates this glorious image of him in his mind and eventually the young man who goes on a journey in Africa to find who his father really was, to discover his roots and himself.

Why I like it:

I read this book during Christmas 2012 while Mr. Boyfriend and I were babysitting our friends' cats. It stroke me as incredibly readable narrative, great usage of words and expressions. I was also surprised and charmed to see the life-story of the current President of the U.S.A. written by himself so personally and open-heartedly. The reader get an inside on the ideas and thoughts that made Barack Obama the man he is now - the first black president. Published first 1995 when he enters the political life for the first time - it's obvious that this is not a political propaganda. It's just the honest story of a man who lost and found himself within himself.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

24-Feb-2014

A La Parisienne

A La Parisienne by stasyhell666 showing what to wear with a vintage black purse

Yes, that's right. This is a fashion post! I don't know about you guys but for me this is very exciting!

This morning, while I was dressing up for university, I was thinking about our amazing trip to Paris last winter and how chic and effortless all the women were. This is how the outfit above was born. Now, truth to be told, my initial plan was to upload photos of my original outfit - me wearing my clothes. Well, things didn't go according to plan, what a surprise. While the light was excellent - I lacked a photographer. When I finally was  reunited with my favourite photographer, aka Mr. Boyfriend, we couldn't find appropriate spot for my mini-shoot to take place. And when we finally agreed in place - all the natural light was gone. So, Polyvore is here to save the day!

When in doubt - dress in black. And because yesterday I was pulling off a grunge-like all black outfit, I decided to spice things up with my favourite red flats. Their colour is so vibrant and cheerful that even Grumpy will smile when he see's them. And yes, you just can't go wrong with a trench coat, big black bag, black sunglasses and black jeans. You can't!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

23-Feb-2014

Come, take a walk on the wild side

Yesterday, when I was working the whole day, the weather was glorious. It was calm, sunny and worm, a little piece of heaven. Of course today, when I had the whole day to spare - it was gloomy, rainy, windy and overall - awful!  What a surprise, right? Just my luck, I guess. However, Mr. Boyfriend came up with the idea of going for a gelato at the best gelateria in town - Boho Gelato. The plan at first was to cycle into town but then the wind go so out of hand that I bailed out. So, both of us, plus the room-mates mounted the car and went for a treat. Oh boy, didn't that ice-cream improve my mood. I had Chocolate&Rose and Cookies&Cream while Mr. Boyfriend chose Sour Cherry and Strawberry, Basil&Black Pepper. I wasn't WOW-ed by the Chocolate&Rose but fell in love with his Sour Cherry - it tasted like a gift from the gods. He, on the other hand, decided that his Strawberry, Basil&Black Pepper tastes more like dinner than gelato but found my Cookies&Cream quite intensive, in the good way. So I guess the tread trip was a success after all. Plus, I got to see the very angry ocean and it's terrifying waves. It almost made me wish I knew how to surf. Maybe this Summer I'll have the opportunity to learn, who knows...

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

22-Feb-2014

Fringe

Plot:

The series follows the coursework of FBI agent Olivia Dunham and the Bishops - Walter, the father, the typical mad scientist gone clinically crazy, and Peter, his street-smart estranged son. They work in the field of inexplicable events, those result of the Fringe science. As the show goes on it reveals that Dr. Bishop is responsible, at least partly, for the bigger part of what make their case Fringe cases. Their work often leads them to the advanced biotechnological company -  "Massive Dynamic", an enterprise created by Walter's old friend William Bell (they also used to share lab, so most of the Massive Dynamics technologies are the children of their brainstorming and shared experiments).  There are also the Observers - human-like creatures that observe the humankind but are not supposed to intervene. They hold great knowledge but are not willing to share it with the humans.

Why I Like it?

It won't be too much if I say that this is the most intriguing, intense, complete and well-made show I have ever watched. It has every single component that a great story needs - there are just enough surprises and turns in the story to keep you on your toes, there are amazing and complex characters and you get to see how their relationship evolve and transform, it's fun but not in the cheap way, and is really really well made.  It is science fiction in its best possible form. Oh, and did I mention that it's J. J. Abrams? 

I challenge you to brake the code! Because there is a hidden code!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

21-Feb-2014

Friday. I'm in love!

Excuse my cliche at the heading. I just couldn't help myself. I was supposed to be working tonight but my boss called to say they don't need me so Mr. Boyfriend and I found ourselves with an expected evening together. That is always a good thing, as you can imagine. And because we are such house worms we are going to watch tv series all evening. I managed to convince him to watch my favourite series together and I gotta say - he likes it, he really like it.

Watching series together kind of become our thing. While we were living in two different countries we would watch the same movie/ tv series and then we will discuss it on Skype. We we try and watch it at the same time, so the feeling that we are in this together will be even stronger.

A few months ago his favourite show ended (I couldn't stand it, so he was watching it on his own) and I wasn't watching anything so we decided that he'll give a chance to my favourite show. I have already seen the whole thing once but now is different - I have someone to discuss it with and is so much fun. I also appreciate it a lot more now and I'm able to see all of the little sings and hints, which makes it particularly great.

And tomorrow I'll tell you more about the show itself.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

20-Jan-2014

Day Off

When you dedicate yourself to going to all of your classes at school, being prepared and not missing anything - you start to value your day off even more. Now, add to what I just said working part-time in some evenings and at least part of the weekend. I really, really like my day off - I get to sleep a bit longer, I watch an episode or two of a show, definitely do yoga for at least 20 minutes. I usually do a bit of work, but try not to go too hard on myself - this day is dedicated to me and to whatever I fancy doing.

Imagine my (unpleasant) surprise when this morning I got awaken at 09:05 by Mr. Boyfriend. You see, he had the great idea of going shopping early, before he goes to work. So at 09:30 we were in the car on our way to the grocery shop, me - half-awaken and grumpy because someone is intervening so violently in my favourite day, he - fully awaken and not having any idea what's all the fuzz about. Well. That didn't go according plan, you may imagine. We actually spending 45 minutes in the shop, trying to find our way around grannies who don't care where they're going and who's path they are cutting because "Oh, you're young, you'll get over it. I'm old." and children running around because this is what children do. It was nightmare. There wasn't need for me to try and pleading that early shopping should not become our new routine - the grannies and the toddlers did all the work for me.

Other than that my day off went according to the non-existent plan. With the slight change that while doing yoga I slipped and ended up on my arm - not a pleasant experience. Rather painful one I would say, and that obviously led to an early stop to my routine. Next time I might want to move my royal ass to downstairs where the floor is not so slippery.  I probably should do that.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

19-Feb-2014

The Prices We Pay for The Things We Want The Most

Don't freak out. The price I pay is not an arm and a leg and things I want are not dodgy. I pay with my time for independence. I don't want to be dependent on my parents for all of the little things I want, need, crave. They are not suppose to finance my future Summer vacation in Finland, you know. There money are theirs to spend on their own vacations, trips, weekend getaways. Mine - for my extravaganzas.
I'm saying all that because this really nice opportunity to go to Finland and I really want to go. I've been all around Europe but I have never been in the Nordic part of it and I'm dying to go. The problem is that Finland is one of the most expensive places in Europe. Yes, if we buy the tickets now they will cost 80GBP the round trip (per person), and yes, we will stay at our friends, who invited us over, but we will have expenses there. To begin with, we will have to eat something and knowing the appetite Mr. Boyfriend has - oh boy, we will eat a lot. So now I'm just trying to evaluate critically the pro's and con's of the situation and to decide what to do. If the options are between going home to my family and going to Finland - it's obvious what I'll prefer. I guess now it all depends on me finding stable job or not.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

18-Feb-2014

De Amor y De Chocolate

No, I'm not switching my a-post-a-day journal to Spanish, not just yet. Today I met for a coffee with my Mexican friend and our date just reminded me, rather painfully, how much I actually miss Spanish. It use to be a huge part of my everyday life for 5 years, it was what determined how I felt, what I wanted, who I am.

And I'm really sad now that I can't spend more time doing something Spanish-related. When you don't use a language often enough - it dies inside you. This is not what I want to happen. So, instead of reading my new novel I switched to "Cuentos Castellanos" - a teeny-tiny book with some of the most beautiful magical stories ever written in Spanish. I have read  just one of them so far but it everything I would expect from a spanish fairy-tale and more. When I finish the whole book I'll tell you more in detail about each and every story in the book. 

It's a magic, I promise!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

17-Feb-2014

Get Lucky

Someone should most definitely forbid the existence of Mondays. After a relaxing Sunday spend in bed Monday comes and hits me in the stomach, leaving me breathless. And not in the good way. But, what one can do? Chin up and deal with the longest most tiring day in the whole week. I think the slogan of my Mondays should be "Business as usual".

Now that I'm back home after 8 hours spend at University, I think I deserve a little something to cheer me up. Remember the recipe for chocolate cookies from few days back? Yes, those super rich, mega intensive, beautifully chocolate cookies. I'm making a double dose later today and instead of 2 XXL cookies I'm making 72 smaller. That's right - 72 - 3 baking trays, 4 rolls of 6 cookies in each. 72 small pieces of happiness!

Piece of advice: If you're making smaller cookies too - bake them on lower temperature for less time. The big ones I baked for 15 minutes on 175C. That means that those will need 10 minutes on 150C if you want them to be nice, soft and chewy.  Now, to the kitchen!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

16-Feb-2014

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Do you think that your self from, to say, 2 years ago would've recognise you if they happen to see you?

Some days I look at the mirror and I can't recognise myself. I don't know if I'm just being obsessive, since I'm in the habit of being so, but such a short time I have become someone completely different. Not that the change is not a positive one but I can't get rid of this persistent feeling in my throat.

What could possibly change for two years? Everything - where I live, what I like, what I do, what I want, how I am. Everything. My hair, for f@%k sake, it's short and blond-ish now - it used to be long and red, poppy type of red. I'm that changed. I hardly ever drink now, I could honestly say that I don't smoke and I do excercise. And that is all so very nice and good for me and healty and so on, it's just not who I used to be, whom I associate myself with. I look different, I act different, I am different.

I used to love being surrounded by tens of people, meeting new people and engaging in all conversations. Noisy places and strangers were my go-to routine. Now I'll become anxious if there are more than 5 people around me and I have to chit-chat with most of them. I don't feel like I belong if I'm surrounded by strangers or if it's just too noisy around me. I prefer staying in with my closest ones and just being at home.

Well, not exactly home. There is no such concept as home anymore. I don't belong here, in England, but neither do I belong back where I grew up. I have places where I live but none of them feels like this is where I have to be. And that messes up with my brain and my feelings quite a lot. I feel lost.

I feel lost but I'm actually found. I have never stood so firmly on my ground, I have never been so certain that I know something very important. I just haven't figure out what is it.

Don't take me wrong - I'm happier than I have ever been. I am healthier than ever before, I'm in love with great, loving and caring person, my family is doing well (not extraordinary well, but well enough for me not to worry day to day), I'm doing reasonably well at school and it's all good. No storms, at least not from the detectable type. And yet, I'm laying awake in my bed at night and I can't stop thinking that for two years I have changed so much that I'm not sure if I know anything about myself anymore. All I have from my past self are stories that burst into my mind, stories no one else knows anything about. No one knows who I used to be. But maybe this is all for good.

For two years I have changed so much that I don't recognise myself anymore. But that's OK, that's just because I have turned on the lights in myself. I have forced the monsters from under my bed and the demons inside my head to meet me in daylight. There are no sights of forthcoming storm. I have not planted winds to harvest storms. I planted sunflowers and tulips and they are just showing their first fresh leaves above the ground. They are just about ti blossom and so do I.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

15-Feb-2014

Here Comes The Weekend

It's Saturday! Doesn't that just sounds nice and relaxing, like a long needed nap after a hard-working week? I was supposed to work this Saturday at the stadium but the game got called off so i got the day off. That means that I have a whole day to spend around with Mr. Boyfriend, helping him fix the car and his bike and just genuinely do stuff together. Later we are invited to the 30th Birthday of one of his friends, so compared with our usual agenda - it's rather busy. I also want to catch on the book I'm reading because seems rather interesting.
Please, excuse my briefness, I promise to make up by showing you pictures of the funny cards I made for Mr. Boyfriend for Valentine's Day. They are hilarious, I promise you!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

14-Feb-2014

Death By Chocolate XXL Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich

This is the dessert I prepared for Mr. Boyfriend and I for our very cheesy Valentine's Day. We went overboard cheesy, seriously! He made me my favourite pizza - quattro formaggi com  fungi and believe me nothing says "I love you" in a cheesier way than the four types of cheese on your pizza. I, on the other hand, made my famous Death by Chocolate cookies, but this time in a XXL version. You'll find the recipe below. And just for a final pinch of cheesiness after dinner we watched "The Avengers" -because we are that cool. And now we are finishing our second bottle of wine while adding some final touches to the end of the working week.

So, as promised, here is the recipe for the best cookies you could ever have!

Ingredients:

For the Cookies:

• 4 tbs room temperature butter
• 4 tbs normal white sugar
• 4bs brown sugar (I prefer light)
• 1 beaten egg
• 1 tsp rum
• 1/2 cup white flour
• 8 tbs cocoa powder, unsweetened
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup chocolate chips + more for sprinkling

For the Filling:

• Few spoonfuls of your favourite Ice Cream (left out of the freezer 5 minutes prior)

How To:

1. Mix well the butter with the white and the brown sugar.
2. When it looks and feels like a creamy paste add the egg and the rum and stir well. You may have to stir for a good 5 minutes before the paste absorbs the egg and rum completely.
3. In a separate bowl mix the flour, salt, cocoa powder and the baking powder. I usually use more cocoa powder than what the recipe says since I believe than you can never have enough cocoa. The more, the better.
4. Next, as you may guess, is mixing the contents of the bows together. Again - stir well and don't use a mixer. Do it by hand with a fork -it will create smaller mess and the results will be better.
5. Add the chocolate chips  in the mixture and you are ready for the over. Well .... almost.
6. Line a flat baking tray with baking paper (or silicone matt if you have one) and on the two opposite ends of the tray place two mounts of the batter. Depending on how big you want the cookies to be you can either divide the whole mixture to two or not. Mines were the result of 1 1/2 tbs of batter. That gave me the opportunity of making a few smaller for my room-mates.
7. Put the rest of the chocolate chips on top of the cookies. 
8. Bake for 15 minutes at 175C/350F and let cool for another 20. When you take them out of the over they will be rather soft but not to worry - the cooling will make them soft on the inside but crispy on the outside.
9. When they are completely cooled cover the inside of one of them with Ice Cream and cover with the other.
10. And this is it. Share with someone you love.

11. 

    Before going in the oven

Freshly from the oven

The Desert is ready

Stana's Part of the Valentine's Desser

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

13-Feb-2014

Thunderstorm

English weather is going bananas. Early this morning there was a storm - hurricane wind, pouring rain and hail, I was seriously scared that a tree may fell on our car. Then, when I was leaving for school - it was cold and gloomy. While I was at university the weather seemed like a lost moment from the spring - the sun was shining, no wind whatsoever. And then - it started to hail, again. Furiously. For about 2 minutes before it became sunny and all. What's wrong with you, weather? Are you having problems with multiple personalities or just can't decide which one you prefers the best so you go with all of them in the same day?
More storms are expected the next few days so I'm not really sure how I'm going to survive - I can't really sleep when there is a wind outside. Or for that matter a pouring rain. I really hope that the weather gets better soon. Here's not as bad as in Somerset but it is not pleasant and it makes going to school and back really hard. Most of my classmates don't even bother to come when the weather is so bad.
On a slightly different matter - today was my post Educational Psychologist meeting. It is safe to say that it went well and that I'm entitled for all of the possible support for a dyslectic person. And yes, this is the final statement - I am dyslectic. Forget about all of the "this is not my mother tongue" business. I can't say I'm happy about it but at least I am relieved that it is not just me being sloppy and lazy (that I am, from time to time).
Now, please excuse me, but I'm busy preparing cards for Mr. Boyfriend. I'm going full-time bananas creating funny yet cute cards, drawing deers, rabbits and typewriters. And bikes, he and I can't be without bikes.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

12-Feb-2014

The Book that Started Excitingly But Ended Predictably

This is the first and so far the only Orhan Pamuk book that I have read so far. It's beginning was quite promising and I had big expectations for it. Besides, I only have heard praise about the author and its books. Although I had my prejudices before I started it I was pleasantly surprised by the book.

The Plot

This is the story of two men who look incredibly alike. One is an Italian prisoner in Istanbul, the other a Turkish scholar known as Hoja (Turkish title for Master since the Ottoman Empire). It all starts when Hoja buys the Italian prisoner and the two start to teach each other everything they know. They get to know the other so profoundly and proficiently that no one, not even they, are able ever to distinguish then from one another.

Why The End Was Predictable

The suspense was growing up to the middle of the book and then ... it was just obvious what was about to happen. Nothing to surprise me, not a single turn in the story, nothing to thrill you or scare you. I almost felt like in the middle of the story the author lost his inspiration or he just didn't care to think about the ending. Nevertheless, the beginning is a masterpiece - the fabula goes nicely, every single detail has its perfect place and contributes to the whole picture. A wonderful first half, I would always recommend the book just for the sake of reading the beginning. But be prepared that you'll guess how would end way before you would wish to.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

11-Feb-2014

The Day He was Finally Free Again

On todays day, 24 years ago, Nelson Mandela leaves the prison where he was held for 27 years. When he left, he spoke to the people waiting for his return. His words weren't words of anger and hatred but were words of love and compassion. A great, great man, truthful and humble. Mr. Mandela has always been inspiration for me and although we have never met - I feel him close to my heart. He is someone to whom I talk to im my mind when I'm feeling down and I need shoulder to cry on. He was and will always be a beautiful voice in my head, the spirit of humbleness and gratefulness in me. A role model. Someone to look up to.

Goodnight, Mr. Mandela. I hope we will meet someday.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

10-Feb-2014

Welcome to the Mad House

My Mondays are always so busy and noisy that at the end of the day I feel like I fought in the Crimean War. Today wasn't any different - 3 lectures to attend, 2 appointments to meet, 1 promise to be fulfilled and 1 meal to be cooked. However, if we forget about the fact that I forgot my coat outside my lecture theater before I went to my last lecture and I had to leave in the middle of the class to go and pick it up and then re-enter my class, the day went smoothly enough the be called a success.

I have just started a new book today - after I came back from school and talked with my parents for about 1 hour, showered, cooked and ate I decided that is time for a new adventure. I made sure I rested before I started a new book so my conscious is prepared for another great journey! (I finished my previous one yesterday morning) This one comes with great recommendations from people whose opinion I value greatly and whose taste is similar to mine. Besides that it is a Birthday present. When I finish it I'll share my experience while roaming up and down its white pages.

And on Wednesday I'll tell you all about the book I just finished - a book that starts excitingly and ends predictably.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

9-Feb-2014

Language School

Do you speak any other language than your mother tongue? Yes? Good, you should. To be honest, in my opinion everyone should speak at least two languages excluding their native language, it should be an obligatory quality such as doing basic arithmetics. But this is just my opinion.

While we are on the topic for foreign languages - how many languages you can distinguish just by listening to them? Not understanding or anything but just by the sound of it to know which one is Albanian and which one Romanian. Do you feel confident in yourself? If you do than give a try to The Great Language Game. And I challenge you to distinguish Bulgarian from Macedonian if you're not native in neither.

Is it hard?

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

8-Feb-2014

My Heart is Red Ink

We all have our little or not so little obsessions, things that excite us more than anything else and that are quite special for us. There are three things on top of my list - travelling, good books and ... tattoos.

Since the tattoo season is upon us I decided that is about time to share about one of the biggest loves of my life - tattooing. I can't remember time when I didn't like tattoos, they have always been on my To Do list, ever since I was old enough to be able to envision myself somehow. You see, for me tattooing is not about being hip or getting more popular. No, not me. For me tattooing is about the relationship you have with yourself, about the things you want to be part of you forever, until you become dust and ashes. Tattoos are about the scars we choose to have, the memories we are willing never to forget. They are about who we are in the dark and cold of the night.

So far, I have three tattoos, made within 6 months from each other 2 years ago. I had a dream seeing the exact tattoo and its placement about each one of them before I got it. When I dream about a tattoo I know that is time to get it. They are all very personal and none is visible in my daily life. One day I will share more about them on the blog but this day is not today. Let's keep some mystery in our relationship. For now I think is enough to be said that on my Tattoo-Wish-List there are 25 more waiting for me to dream about them. Or to forget about them because in fact, they weren't so close to my heart. Only time knows.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

7-Feb-2014

The Book That Changed My Life

I know, it sounds possy and atificial but "The Cather in the Rye" really did change my life and the way I see the world around me. I read it for the first time 5-6 years ago, at a moment in my life when I was struggling with finding my inner voice and deciding what I want from myself and my life. I read it one warm November night, I remember it clearly as it was yesterday. I cried a lot while reading it (I cry a lot at books, only written word can shake the whole of me and to touch a very tender place in my heart) and cried even more after I finished it. Truly magnificent book that sounds very contemporary over 60 years after its first publishing.

The Plot

This is the story of Holden Caulfield told by himself. The dear old Holden is the most anti-hero hero you will ever meet in your book roamings. It will be an oversimplification to say that he is lost and angry young man that struggles with finding his place in the world. The storyline starts just before the Christmas vacation and Holden is expelled (and will not return after the vacations) from his exclusive private school. Later we will get to know that this is not the first time for Holden to get expelled from school. The general feeling we get from him is for a depressed, preoccupied and lost young man. A number of occurrences later Holden is back in New York and gets even more depressed. A date night went wrong doesn't improve his already bad mood and he gets really drunk. This is when we meet his little sister - his only solace and dearest friend. It is her to whom he shares his dream of becoming a "catcher in the rye". He imagines himself staying at the cliff edge of a rye field and being a sole guardian of the children playing there - he catches them if they are about to fall of the cliff. The story goes on and at the end we realise that Holden is now living in a mental institution after he "got sick".

Through the whole story two things keep on coming up - the death of his brother Allie and his very specific use of language (more or less talking "inappropriately"). The first is a symbol if his emotional attachments to his family and his vulnerability. The second is an act with which he tries to cover his vulnerability and to prove that he is already better than everyone else.

Why I love it

Because Holden is so beautifully lost that I just wish I am able to do something to help him. I wish I could be his cather, I wish I could be THE cather - to save the children from the storms and falls of the adulthood. The book is rather short but really emotional for someone like me who tries to save everyone at the same time. It is a symbol for all those turbulent first years into the adulthood, it deals with alienation, identity crisis, lost sense of belonging. Holden is so real that you can actually hear his sharp tongue in you ear while reading the pages. Holden is my best-friend and my mirror image - he is my dear old good boy who made all the bad choices. And he is the ultimate proof that goodness can exist even in the darkest corners of our  mind.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

6-Feb-2014

The Library In My Head

Mr. Boyfriend told me the other day that most people don't read the books I recommend because I never recommend light and easy readings. At first it sounded to me like a bit of exaggeration but then I gave it a go and I realised that he was right, again. Don't tell him the last part - his self-esteem doesn't need much of a boosting. However, it is a fact that most of the time I read serious and some-what difficult books. Or world classics, that in most cases are equally hard to read. I like big, interesting, overwhelming stories that leave me breathless. I search for magnetic characters who can teach me about life. I like to get lost between the lines and to define myself through the book. I like my books like I like my cakes - better than everything one could've ever expect out of something so simple.

This whole tirade was just to say that many would not like my taste in books and that's just fine. However, I intend on sharing my personal reviews on the books that have impressed my or have had a huge impact on who I am and what I want form life. Feel free to prove me wrong if you wish to. Tomorrow I promise to tell you about the book that changed my life.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

5-Feb-2014

With all my love

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

My dearest knight in shining  armour today celebrates one more year of greatness! The person who taught me so many things, the one I look the most like. My Dad, the man who made sure that I'm sophisticated enough to know much about art, go to classic ballet and horse-back riding, and to speak at least two foreign languages. The very same man that also did his best to make me tomboy enough to like football and box, to drink beer straight from the bottle and to be able to tell the difference between good vodka and bad, and last, but not least, to know how to park my damn car in reverse! My Daddy, My Hero.

Every little girl knows that their Daddy watches them over their sleep, but how many 20-year-olds can say that to this day their Dad wishes them "Goodnight" every night before they go to bed? Even now, when we don't live in the same country, or in the same time zone for that matter, he sends me an e-mail or a text every evening, wishing me "Sweet dreams, baby bear!". And that is one of the best things. Ever!

He never calls me any cheese names like "Princess" or "Baby-Doll". I'm his baby bear! Or even better - his tamagotchi. And this is way better. I love when we talk on Skype and he ask how's his little green tamagotchi doing lately.

He is very intelligent and smart and bright, my dad. His memory is like encyclopedia Britannica but way better. He remembers every little detail, every little notch of information and he gave this ability to me. If you ask him what he was wearing the day he took my mother and I from the hospital after I was born - he'll tell you. And he'll telly exactly which song he played in our dear old Trabant on the way back. Or what were my first words after he took me from my first day at school. Or my first words after I arrived here, in England. And if you ask him why he does it - he doesn't know, this is just the way he is. Just the way I am.

So, Happy Birthday, Dad! I love you so much and I'm really proud of you, of everything you are. Stay healthy and smile as much as you can, I'll take care for the rest!

Love,

Tana

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

4-Feb-2014

The Lying Game

Disclaimer: I know that plenty of people will disagree with me and will stigmatise me but this is my honest opinion. And I stand behind my words.

I don't believe Dylan Farrow. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever for her to break her silence now, after two decades of living with whatever happened or didn't happen. It just doesn't make any sense, for me at least. If you are a woman in your late 20's, with family and carrier and even with changed name why go to a trip to Memory Lane now. What changed? Or maybe, just maybe, you decided that you want back in the spotlight and this seems like the easiest way to do so. Who doesn't like a nice, sweet victim for their Morning Talk Show. Especially if she is the adopted daughter of no other but the great Woody Allen. Especially if the last is happily married for his ex-girlfriends adopted daughter for now over 20 years. We are not going to mention that the adoptive mother is more famous for her relationships with famous men than for her acting skills. Or for starting in the movies with the famous lovers. That's not the point. The point is that Dylan's story fits just perfectly in the matrix for a cover story leading to maybe a small documentary movie. Or a big one, if she cries loud enough and offer exclusive details. Sure thing.

And I'm really sick of reading stories about people saying that Woody Allen has "something devious, creepy and perverted" in the way he looks. And people stigmatising his movies and deciding to boycott them because he is "dirty animal". None of you had any problems with them just 3 days ago and you all pseudo-intellectuals were explaining how "Midnight in Paris" is the perfect artistic explanation of the existential crisis, the sense of estrangement from the reality and the lack of understanding that all artists go through. Especially if they want to detach themselves from the materialist empty art and to create art for the art. And now, after a girl thirsty for fame says something about a case dropped by the police 20 years ago, all of the sudden Woody Allen becomes public enemy. That just doesn't seem right. If there was some truth in this story the police would've done something. Back then. 20 years ago. Not now, when someone decides to leave the closet and to create a name for themselves using their famous, and incredibly talented, ex-adoptive parent. Am I the only one that smells the thirst for cheap publicity?

But what can I say - like mother, like daughter. Just a few months the mother herself - Mia Farrow decided to announce that she is not sure if her 26 years old son is from her then boyfriend Woody Allen or by "the love of her life" - the great Frank Sinatra. Because, you see, she was having a sexual relationships with both at the same time. And now, when the boy is 26 she decides that he has Frank's famous blue eyes. Now. Isn't that the definition for cheap publicity on behalf of someone more successful and famous than you? Can you smell it?! I can.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

3-Feb-2014

Scribble Away

Another week has started and I could swear that the previous has just began yesterday. Time flies so fast when I'm busy at school, it's unbelievable. Before I realise it the spring will be here and the school year will be almost gone. And I remember being back home for the summer just like it was no longer than 2 weeks ago.

In the meantime, Miss Jack-Of-All-Trades booked herself to work at the stadium for three Saturdays in a row starting this week. As much as I hate working there I need the job and I'm willing to give up my pride (and comfort) for the greater good. I just have to remember to cover my ear-piercings with plasters so none of the bossy ladies will have a reason to send me home earlier like the last time. To be honest they have too many conditions for the kind of job they are offering but nevertheless - I need them more than they need me.

Well, that's that. Nothing new under the sun. The friend of mine that was visiting me had great night at the Taylor Swift concert and according to her it was "Magical" so I guess it all went according to plan. Now is my turn to go listen to P!nk live. Maybe the next time she comes around the old continent.

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

2-Feb-2014

These boots are made for walking

There are a few things that I like most than having a stroll on a sunny day. Especially if it is after a long and rainy week. So right now I'm trying to remember where I have put my light booties and we are going for a walk. By we I mean Mr. Boyfriend and I plus two of our room-mates, so it's basically a Gang of Four (yes, a bit like the political slang) and a nice town. A friend  said that a new Tex-Mex food chain has opened a branch in town so we might give it a try. If it's any good I'll let you know, if it's not (and I honestly don't have high expectations when I hear someone mentioning "food chain") - well, I'll let you know where not to go.

Sunny day here we come!

You can't get lost if you don't know where you're going...

1-Feb-2014

Indiana Jones and the Chocolate Cake!

The very first person I met from my university is celebrating his birthday tonight. According to him this is his very first birthday party and he wants it to be great and glorious - so it's a dress up party. I'm not big on dressing up games - most of the time I just mix and match some pieces that I already have in my wardrobe in a way that they resemble a character from a book/movie or that give a general idea of some hero. For example a pair of military trousers, a black tank top and a pair of combat booties did the trick for me as a Rambo-soldier on Halloween. So for tonight I put together white t, denim shirt, olive green chinos, desert boots and a fedora - my Indiana Jones outfit is ready. Oh, and yes, I have an app making the whip sound downloaded on my phone so the costume is done!

As for a present - I decided that nothing will beat a good old-fashioned home-baked chocolate-on-chocolate cake. Made from a scratch. I was thinking of actually sharing the recipe but then I forgot to take pictures while making it and -puf- the idea vanished in a glimpse! I just hope it tastes as good as it looks.

I'm Indiana Jones Tonight!

Good Old-Fashioned Chocolate Cake